It’s been quite a while since I have written something.
To be honest, I got very drained during the last months of 2020, and was hoping to start 2021 more in tune, except, that didn’t happen.
I feel as if I’m in a crossroads here, so many things unfolding around me. Saying: YES!!!! Than NO!!! Then repeating the same cycle.
I have been working so hard on myself, to improve, to be more authentic, to be less scared since I feel I’m losing a lot of people around me. It’s just so much.
I do feel like I want to be able to continue, that’s why I’m forcing myself to write again. I’m forcing myself to keep my well-being.
I had such a hard time in January, trying to keep up with everything, that I feel this endless spiral, just grabbing me, taking me non stop.
But, after the 28th of January I started to make changes, jump for things I wouldn’t before and it’s just hard to keep going.
I feel as if this year is about letting go of soooooo much. I can’t keep holding on to “ideas”, “things” even “people” if I want to move forward. I do believe me I do, it’s just hard to let go old habits, old secure friends, ways of connecting, it hurts. It actually hurts like bleeping hell.
I know I might be just crying over nothing if I compare my letting go, to other people’s loss. Nonetheless, we all are different, we all dwell on different things, we all have different life lessons to learn. But in that difference, is where I find the bond in all of us, we are united by this infinite love and light that holds our souls together.
But is hard, is hard to wait sooo much for something, having something in mind and then just seeing it just go away, universe saying no.
I want to break free darling sooooo much.
Love, Calu R.