Today was a beautiful day. Very sunny, almost no clouds in the sky, and all the colors of the garden are out to enjoy and marvel at.
I saw three hummingbirds around a sage plant, gathering the beloved juice from flowers. I wish I had been able to videotape them, but as far as I have intended to film hummingbirds, I fail. They’re so quick and everything that they do can disappear in seconds. Practice, practice, practice…
Today I feel a little off, in my bubble of space I have been feeling safe for many months now. But now the little town where I live is filled with people again.
It really puts my brain to work. How is it possible that I feel so insecure than 6 months ago? Why? I try to find a rational answer to it, and of course words like: isolation, fear, death, exposure, distance and many more come to my mind. But I didn’t grow up this way. It’s been only 6 months of this crazy year.
I think it’s because it’s a global situation. It’s not like I have the chance to say: ok, things are messed up in here, let’s go to another place, country, town etc… Where ever I go, I would be facing the same situations, and that is something to process.
I’m getting a little bit tired of always coming back to subjects like fear, or the pandemic, but there’s a part of me that needs to get it all out. In-between all the beautiful ideas I want to share, do, create and express, I have to be able to first let all out. So, I’m still afraid, I’m still pondering if it is wise to see my family and friends, to travel, to go to the places my heart has loved.
I don’t know yet. Although, not everything is so weird and complicated.
During this time I have learned little by little to accept the unknown and to be open to shake my comfort, to find resilience. Which is unlikely to me, I’ve always prepared for situations and events, but when you are constantly being challenged with change, then flexibility and patience and a lot a LOT of compassion need to appear.
So I’ve decided that I will take everything one day at a time from now on.
Gratitude is one of the many disciplines I wish to cultivate even more.
After all, it’s September in two days, 4 months and 2020 will be gone as it came.
And there are many beautiful things that come in the garden like this amazing butterfly. I love the yellow on the very top of her. I’m guessing she’s full of pollen, and, how sweet it is to know that the place surrounding you, has the potential to give food to a lot of animals and even myself. It’s a gift.
I wish were ever you are, that you are safe and healthy with a lot of love surrounding you. Sometimes the best kind of love, is the love we give to ourselves first, to then, be able to share it with more people. ♡
Bye bye for now,
Love, Calu R