Hey there, 🙂
Yesterday I had a long conversation with my best friend. She has this incredible confidence in herself than when we match mine with hers I can see millions of stars all around us, glowing in a wise direction.
I have struggled many times during my life, I know I’m not the only one in here, we all struggle. It’s part of living a life, there are ups and downs, it would be so antinormal to be feeling linear. Just a line of one emotion. Can you imagine that? I can’t. I love FEELING, even when the truth hurts and I feel broken I prefer a thousand times to FEEL that experience, than to have a linear emotional mechanism.
Really, I even think that most of my creations, my hunger for art, comes from ALL this energy of emotional things that I feel. I love it. Always so sensitive…
So saying that, my birthday is coming. September 17. Yeap….
Last year I told myself: you know what? You don’t need a cake, or a balloon, or 100000 happy birthday messages from people you barely have contact with, and being present for everyone even when you just want a quiet birthday. This is the last year of big celebrations… next year YOU will decide what YOU want to do on that day, and no matter what, no matter what people think, no matter if it’s crazy or wild, YOU WILL DO IT.
And so, I started my year 2020 planing some things. I like to save money to travel so, I had in mind 2 destinations: one Mexico and two Costa Rica. I didn’t knew when I would be going to both but I properly intended to save money and travel.
And OF COURSE my biiiiiiiiggggg wish for my birthday for 2020 was to be out of Guatemala. I wanted to be experiencing something new, magical and full of life and laughter and love and all of the good things in life. Really I desired that most than anything else.
But things changed.
I have the habit of remembering the birthdays of the most important people in my life, but I never ever start September knowing: oh! My birthday is near. And parties? No, not for me, too stressful and never quite enjoy them, (but I love to celebrate other people’s birthdays).
Then today I woke up, and I realized wow! I’m having my 2020 birthday. And I just closed my eyes. So many places I would like to be to celebrate, a special someone I would adore to be with, dancing barefoot near some new place, marveling at the beauty of nature. And that is not my 2020 birthday.
So as I closed my eyes more intentionally, I wondered: “what can YOU do from here to the 17 to have what you can this year”.
A glimpse of something… a sound came to mind, and my eyes filled with little tears wanting to come out.
I just visualized the beach.
I have no idea if I’m going to go or not. Now, as it is, I can. But it’s a fresh idea, it’s something that my very deep soul expressed hours ago today. So when I talked to my best friend, she started jumping and laughing and being the very loud, magical and beautiful person that she is, she asked me:
“So, your birthday is very close, what are we going to do? What ever you want we can do it.”
And my first response was:
“You know, I have no clue. This is so weird and I had other plans and I had to delay them until well, I have no idea until when”.
So she began telling me to evaluate who I wanted to see, and what ever else she was saying my mind didn’t register. Why? Because my mind was already thinking about this morning. And I said:
“Hey! I know it’s crazy nuts what’s going on in Guatemala, in the whole WORLD actually, but, would you come with me on a very tiny trip to spend my birthday looking at the sea? Playing with sand? Swimming and smelling the ocean breeze?”
I still don’t know what is going to happen for my birthday.
But I think that, even if I don’t do anything, I’m going to be glad to be celebrating as I want, doing what I want.
Expecting nothing and enjoying everything.
I’m alive! What a marvelous experience that is! Really!!!!
So, I’ll guess I’ll write some goodies before my birthday comes. But I’ll be sure to write about it that day.
Bye bye for now,
Love, Calu R