How do I shake fear?

This plant is called “primer beso”, stands for “first kiss”.

Hey there, 🙂

I’ll be telling a little bit more today. I’ll start saying this:

I consider myself a bridge.

Since I was around 14 years old I started to experience what it means to have a job. We own a family business with my dad that has been alive and going on for 62 years. More than twice the amount of time that I have been alive. And for about 13 years I was actively discovering the business world. Dealing with big companies, both local and foreign, dealing with customer service, dealing with employees and at the same time learning my career, which is psychology.

But something inside me wanted more, and felt I was leaving behind a big important part of myself. That is art. I’ve grown up in a family of artists and art has always been an aspect that HAS to be in whatever I do. When I was immersed in my career and my job, I lost myself a little bit from art. Although always in mind and heart, I wasn’t creating anything. At the beginning I didn’t notice the lack of it since I had too much going on in my life, but suddenly, that part of me started to scream: “Wake up!! Let me in again!! You need me! Let me in!!”

Then little by little, I started to create. I started to paint again, and as I was finishing my career I started to participate in musical events. Mostly because I adore music, but little by little people began to approach me with ideas, projects, plans and I realized the musical industry in my country was struggling a lot. So, before I turned 25, I started to help as I could the arts. It began sort of like a passion of mine, learning from musicians, being close to the processes that occurs before a gig, or the recording of a new song or album, the release of it, media and more. It’s been already 8 years that I’ve been involved in this. And I enjoy every second of it all the time.

But this year, oh! This year, gave a whole new meaning to art. Artists all around the world are struggling to make it. Literally to have food on their tables, and mostly, creating a whole new way of sharing their talents. I was used on a busy week to go at least to 5 or 4 live performances sometimes all the week. Now we have just the media. A lot of my friends or colleagues have no income, and have lost all they have. I really don’t think I can see clear how much everything has impacted for the future, I still can’t tell, and I’m sure it’s not only me.

But, in the middle of all this mess, the confusion, the distress, we humans have this amazing wonderful and resilient way of creating a life from scratch.

So having said that, today I was approached by two friends, who are musicians, and are working their ass off in order to make a change, and start rebuilding their lives. They have a very interesting project, that starts as a producer company, but not only for music but for a lot of other artistic disciplines. And they have started it in my beautiful town of Antigua Guatemala. It involves creating content that people can relate to, who live in Antigua or the other surrounding towns. The goal is to create community between every single person that is in the process of “the making” of something. Since the very beginning. And to explore all the beauty the valley where I live called “valle de panchoy” has to give. Trying in someway to activate the economy and to help one another by making a sustainable community project.

It blows my mind, it’s such a crazy loving and fulfilling project that my heart can’t resist to say YES!!!!! But in my mind fear comes, because if I enter this and become active as they asked me to, I would have to get outside, be in touch with people, create community, show my face, travel a bit. And I can’t help it, but I feel afraid. I really really don’t want to be, it’s so out of my core being afraid. But all this madness of social distance and of course the pandemic, has me all up and down with my freedom. I do not want to fear this, I want to feel energetic and helpful and bright and happy. And above all, to feel that I’m capable of conquering the blockages that I might have.

I want to be free in a more conscious way. I want to build a new world and have new eyes and see all that comes my way as an opportunity to do so.

How do I shake the fear then? How?

As my oldest friend says (he is 96 years old) ” I need all the love I can get”. So if you have any ideas to share please do. I’ll treasure them with all my heart.

Bye bye for now,

Love, Calu R

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